And, I've failed.

10 weeks later, my 10 week plan has failed.

Why?

Because I am lazy, unmotivated, intimidated by change and too accepting of any less than favorable situation I tend to find myself in.

My evaluation at work was as follows:

Strengths: easy going

Weaknesses: easy going

That about sums it up.

I know what I have to do... I know what the problem is... I gave myself too much wiggle room, and no real consequences.

What I need to do is say, if I don't finish this thesis in three weeks, I'm giving away my skates.

...

...

...

But the question is... can I do that? Yes, of course I can finish this thesis in three weeks... hell, I could probably finish it in one week... but, can I give away my skates when (I wish I could say "if" but I think "when" is the more realistic choice here) I fail again?

I don't think I can... sigh... I want to cry now, but I won't... crying is a waste of my time, as is writing in this blog, and facebook, and email, and TV, and complaining, and planning, and thinking... I need to DO...

Tomorrow is another day.

What am I going to do with it?

I'm lame

My excuse:

Life has been crazy

Reason excuse is lame:

Think about all the people who have lived through ACTUAL craziness... Ann Frank, Bilbo Baggins, that dude from The Pianist... and all these people with REAL problems in their life : http://www.oddee.com/item_96763.aspx

Time to nut up or shut up... uhg... shutting up is so much easier...

Saturday

So, Finally I sat down to work today... one of the things that's been holding me back a lot the past few weeks is all of this crazy data I collected... I had no idea how to read it... I spent about an hour... probably more, talking to a fellow physics phreak today trying to figure it all out. I have a lot more to write about now... so hopefully I will keep up this motivation... Hoping to have a basic draft done in about a week and a half... so I can be finished by May for graduation!!!

Seems so far away, and so close at the same time... scary and enthralling...

End of week 4..

So... this is the last day of week four... where am I?

Week three was less than productive... :( I only wrote 1.5 pages, and life was just too insane for me to try for more... failure.

Because of week three's failure I gave up on week four... but I don't get another week four... It's Saturday and I'm sitting around trying to get motivated...

I sent an important email off.

I am staring at THOUSANDS of data points in loggerpro trying to figure out what the HELL is going on with my data... no clue, but I am kinda stuck in the paper cause the next thing I want to write about is this data...

I also have more data I want to take and some experiments I want to try out, but I had zero time to do it at the bout last weekend... So I'm hoping for some time to do it at practice... need to look into that.

And I need to get back to making my daily goals, sticking to them and failing less.

This is not a happy update.

All in all, I have added 7.5 new pages to my paper... I think the total length is now 25 pages, but that is including the TOC and title page and several of those "pages" are not full pages because of chapters....

I also need more editors... Any takers?

Day 10

So, I was REALLY shocked to discover that yesterday was day TEN out of 70!!!... Which means I am already 7% of the way through my current quest!!!!... shocked and scared. Scared I won't make it. I feel like my progress has been slow, though it has been exactly what I had planned.

Last week I met my goals. I wrote 3 pages and formatted my paper with a new LaTeX template that is beautiful and easy to use. I found my first guest editor and sent her my paper on Friday and set an appointment to meet with her to hear her criticism (Thank you VenJence!!!) And I also planned this week.

This week's goals:

1. write three new pages

2. update references section

3. figure out how to use symbols in LaTeX

BONUS

4. figure out how to write simple equations in LaTeX

Monday and Tuesday were a bit of a wash for personal reasons... but yesterday I got back on track! Yay! So here are my daily goals and self rewards:

Wednesday

Goal: Write 25 lines

Reward: Go to WXXI and be on TV

Thursday

Goal: Write 25 lines, figure out symbols

Reward: Go to league meeting

Friday

Goal: Write 25 lines, write references

Reward: Go to metal onslaught, Candy from Fifi, Open surprise gift for Farrah Daze Rage

Saturday

Goal: Write 15 lines, post about weekly progress

Reward: PARTAY

Sunday

Goal: Write 15 lines

Reward: ??... no clue about this day...

25-28 lines = roughly one page in the editing program I am using. It's easier for me to track my progress if I just say "25 lines." Easier to count and record (which I do.)

Thanks for reading, and thanks to everyone who has been asking me, "So, how's your paper coming?" It's about 16 pages long now (not counting the title page, contents page, etc) and I hope after a few more weeks of writing like this I will be able to concentrate more on editing and getting some nice figures and images to explain the principles further that I am discussing in the paper.

Oh... and initially the title was: The Physics of Roller Derby. Which was nice.... But I got a little creative last night when I was hanging out at WXXI and decided the title should be:

Roller Derby as a Tool for Engaging Students

in the Physics Classroom

Or

How I Learned to Stop Worrying

and Love the Track

:) Enjoy your day!

Day 4

So I now have 2 full new pages... that was my goal to earn scrimmage this week... it wasn't easy. I have a lot of formatting work to do, so I better do that over the weekend.

In other news... I wrote a paper in December to remove one of my old bad grades. I had 8 people edit it... (at least) and I fretted over that paper for AGES! (years even... took the class in 2007!!!) but I handed the paper in and just found out I earned an A-.... !!!!!!!!! ^.^ Yay!

Tomorrow I need to write one more page and then I can play Amputheatre. I had hoped to have 2.5 pages finished by today, but... oh well... it's better than nothing.

Tomorrow's plan:

4:15-5:15 write another page

5:15-5:25 take a break

5:25-6:25 finish up that 3rd page OR start working on formatting the paper properly

6:25-7 eat and drive to Amputheatre

7-? KILL!

I have no idea how Saturday will work yet... unfortunately my weekends are often very lax... which is a bad thing, I don't do well without a schedule. Who knows!

Day 2

Well... Day two went much better than Day 1...

Yesterday I was sick and after practice my head was ringing from it getting crunched in a rather uncomfortable way (almost ripped my cartilage piercing out as well!) So I failed yesterday.

Today however... I did much better...

I told myself I had to work for one hour, then I could make dinner, eat and spend about 30 min just relaxing... that translated to a one hour break. Then I got to work for another hour and I told myself I could do what ever I wanted after I finished that second hour. I think this strategy worked well... it kept me focused because I knew I only had to sit here for an hour, and I knew I could do something I like (cook, eat, chill) when I was done. However, I have noticed I work much slower once the sun goes down. I hope to start my work session earlier tomorrow... I didn't start until 5PM today because I had to go to the piercing salon and get my earing fixed (ouchie!)

Today I accomplished:

• 2 hours of work
• wrote one page of the literary review
• read and wrote about three articles
• researched and found out about two books I'd like to get from the library
• updated my blog

Not bad... I should expect more, but I am REALLY tired... :(

Good night, and I'll do better... I have to!

Week one starts now!

Well, I am nervous. I have become so accustomed to failure when it comes to writing this thesis that the idea of another attempt is kinda terrifying. I really don't want to fail again. And I know that it is up to me to make this happen.

Sunday's efforts:

Today I mapped out my first week... I still have some fine tuning to do. It only has 7 hours of paper writing, but I figure that's better than all the nothing I've been doing for the last month and a half.

Monday's plan:

Monday is the busiest day of the week for me. I get home from work at about 4PM, then I have derby from 6-8PM. I need to eat as soon as I get home. I already made my meal for tomorrow, so it will take me almost no time to eat. I hope to work on my paper from 4:30 to 5:30 and also from 9-10 tomorrow. ...

Time Plan:

7:30-4PM transit and work

4-4:30 eat

4:30-5:30 Paper

5:30-8:45 get ready for derby, derby, shower, relax

9-10 Paper

10-11:15 email, facebook, read, relax

11:15PM-6:30AM sleep